its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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