Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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