Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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