It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize