Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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