You work out of a Hotel?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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