I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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