so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize