I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My vagina is very pro this idea
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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