my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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