Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize