then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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