I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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