Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize