you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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