she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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