This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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