Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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