No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize