We got so high we made milksteak
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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