I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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