Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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