you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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