We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
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Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's blow job season.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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