its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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