She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize