FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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