Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
look no pants
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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