saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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