When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
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i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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