I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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