You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How does it feel to date your dad?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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