Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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