Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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