he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
3 2 1 whiskey
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize