i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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