i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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