woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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