Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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