Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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