TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize