dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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