Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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