last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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