I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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