i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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