Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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