youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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