i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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