I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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