Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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