roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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